What Bryan and Anna Taught Me - July 11, 2011

Hey, I opened a new blog address so I transferred this one over.

So, tonight's my first blog. I'm having a tough time with this - I've only lost one person close to me before, and she was my grandma at 67 years old - so I thought I'd blog about it, LOL. To be honest, I wasn't close to Bryan, or Anna. Hadn't seen either of them in years. And I think that's part of why it hurts so much. Bryan and I spent every weekday together for 2-3 years. We'd go to his mom's house, where I enjoyed being around a more... typical?... mother than mine for a while. She ran a daycare, and she'd often leave Bryan in charge of certain kids. Other times, he, Nils and I would go to his room or out somewhere and hang out. I didn't remember a lot about my childhood outside of performing, but it all came rushing back at his funeral on Sunday. How I used to always try and figure out what was going on in his head - he was usually pretty quiet and even-tempered - and he'd laugh and get this amused smirk on his face, how mad he used to get at his sisters for trying to get in his room or letting Murphy the dog somewhere he wasn't supposed to be. And then I didn't go there anymore, and I made new friends. Mostly girls who were as boy-crazy as I was, ha! I would see him or Nils in the halls, wonder how they were doing, miss spending time with them, and dismiss it. After high school, I never saw him again, aside from his picture on Facebook. I never told him how much I missed him and his family, especially his mom Carrie. I never told him about the crush I had on him at one point... I never told him how much I still cared about him as a friend, and missed the days we used to spend together. I was looking forward to seeing him at my 10-year reunion, just over a month away. That would be my excuse to see him and all the other friends I've cared about and lost touch with... But there will now be one less friend there to catch up with, one more friend who maybe didn't think I cared or noticed him anymore.

Then there's Anna. I wasn't friends with her quite as long, but she was... beautiful, and bouncy, and funny, and sweet. She wouldn't be sweet about people who hurt her friends, but if she met you once, you were her friend. I remember her smile and I remember her when she was hurting, and she was one of those people who you felt was invincible and would live forever because she just seemed unstoppable. I've often thought about my days hanging out with the "Shari's crew," as I called them, and she was always in those thoughts. I remember laughing with her no matter how upset one of us was about stupid boy stuff... Another person I'll never reconnect with, but who will always be in my heart.

So now, the silver lining, the reason for this blog post - what do I do with this information? How do I turn this positive, keep them alive for me, even though nothing can bring them back? They both led lives worth living. Anna lived with a passion for life and for people, and despite the reservations she verbalized, what I saw was a woman who would love someone instantly as her friend, unless they gave her a good reason not to. Bryan... Bryan was sweet, funny, again caring for strangers. He was smart, he was loved, he was responsible in his work and in his life. He spent time with the people he loved and who loved him. He traveled a lot, was willing to try pretty much anything once, and helped anyone who needed it. These are all characteristics worth working for. They lived life intentionally. Life didn't just "happen" to them... They happened to life, and worked to create the world they wanted to live in. I try, but there are so many things that "just happen" in my life. The point is, things will always come up, but it's up to you to be prepared for them and not let it take you off the path that YOU choose for yourself. From now on, I want to happen to life. And as I do, I know there will be two beautiful people watching down from heaven, smiling.